I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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