It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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