i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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