Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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