I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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