$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
