I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
