Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
sarcasm needs its own font
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
