i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
