she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
