I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
