i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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