actually, I'm a sock model
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
