Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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