Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
