Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
