How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I have feelings that need drinking.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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