we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
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I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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