Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
