This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
