u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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