Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
