Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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