just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
