How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
