I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So many bounce houses so little time
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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