yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
