WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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