So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
