yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
