her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
well I can't set my house on fire every night
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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