Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
