you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
