3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so explain again why im purple
no
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
