I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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