she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
