I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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