Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
