just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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