what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
cat food counts as protein by the way
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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