ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
