Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
