Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
