my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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