Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
