saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
4 words: hood of his car
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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