Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
