just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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