My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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