the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
