god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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