the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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