btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I got inside last night via doggy door
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
