Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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