I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
