how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
