Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
