My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
