i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
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i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
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Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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