the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
