She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
