and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
