when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
