Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize