Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
