your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
