In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been