you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
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He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
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We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.