I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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