Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.