it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
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When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
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I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.