Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
