Dude my mom stole all your condoms
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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