my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
