the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
