Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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