Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
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he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
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I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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