imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm just crazy horny about you
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
