I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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